Keith Chambers (salivar) wrote,
Keith Chambers

The process of falling out of love

These are two posts that have to do with a girl I had a huge, huge, huge crush on. I'll add some commentary as needed.

Subject: Letting go

Nope, nobody died, I just wanted to write this as it appears I have to let go of emotions for someone.

Yeah, I'm talking about Josie. Again.

Looks like she's packed up and moved back to Whidbey Island, where she will stay until graduation, which she may or may not come back here for. Afterwards she's moving to Alaska, gone from my life forever, except on facebook. That exact thing happened.

I think of her, I think of missed opportunities. She definitely is the coolest person I've ever met, and, as a girl, she's attractive to boot! A friend of mine once said something to the extent of "If a girl is interesting and attractive, she's worth the chase."

Unfortunately I have to chalk this one up as a loss due to timing and unfortunate circumstances. I totally blew it falling off that balcony around her. I should have let go of any thoughts of ever getting with her after the Seahawks game, but no, I held on like a total idiot, going so far as to put her picture on my fridge. Argh, argh, argh. I asked one of my soccer kids to take that picture to France and dispose of it in a creative manner. I think they did that very thing. Probably made their parents concerned but oh well.

Line from Wayne's World that's totally acceptable: "If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. If you spew and she bolts, it was never meant to be." If you get a girl Seahawks tickets and before you can go to the game, she gets a boyfriend, abandon all hope. There's a better way to say this. If you want to go to a sporting game with someone you want to have a relationship with, get the girl before you get the tickets.

Damn. --Keith

And, the second one...

Subject: The anti-moment

Yesterday, I noticed it was Graduation at WWU. From reading the facebook of one certain friend (Yep! Josie) I knew that would be her last day in Bellingham, as she had said she was going to drive the Al-Can highway to be with her Alaskan boyfriend... but that was after graduation. Since I don't live that far from WWU I decided to go and say goodbye to her.

This was after I had gotten off of work, both at a basketball game and at my store, so I was a little tired. No matter, though... I changed from jeans and a t-shirt to my finer clothes and set off to watch WWU's graduation. There were a lot of emotions going through my mind yesterday but that's for another, deeper post. So I was watching and the student speaker talked about not being afraid of failure. The guest commencement speaker talked about opportunities... and taking the right opportunities. That ass said "opportunities" about a hundred times in a ten minute speech. The word lost all meaning. Then the procession of the students occurred.

Graduation ceremonies for universities have a certain rhythm to them. Kid gives his or her name to the announcer, there's a nine-foot walk, they then shake the hand of the president of the college/university, and walk off stage. Some people do something cool when they have that nine foot walk, dress funny, or attempt to give a university president a nine-step handshake. Yesterday I saw Tebowing, leopard slippers, writing on hats, and, of course, that nine-step handshake. However, when I saw Josie receive her diploma... no flair. No panache. No nothing. Just a deep blue cap and gown, a white tassel, and... that was it. This girl that had provided so much color and joy to people's lives left this town as the most plain person ever. I saw it. I couldn't believe it. It was just... wow. That is the anti-moment, when you see someone who you want to believe is all about color... and they don't show it. At all.

I followed someone I thought was her and ended up not being her, so after commencement I had no idea where to find her. Great job of stalking by me. After the ceremony and a brisk, twelve minute search for her, I finally got my moment with her. I thanked her for being a part of my life the past two years... and that was the most meaningful thing I said. Not even the LAST thing I said to her, "Keep in touch," had any relevance.

It's hard to find the last words to say to somebody, and even harder when you're sleep deprived and cold. But I tried it yesterday and do not regret what I said even if some of it didn't make sense. It felt good to close the book on that chapter of my life... no more what-ifs or thoughts about this girl. She's on her way to her perfect life.

I'd like to think I'm on the way to mine. Dear lord. This crushes me. --Keith
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