Keith Chambers (salivar) wrote,
Keith Chambers
salivar

Thinking.

I haven't worked since May 17th.

I've been in the hospital two times since then.

I've been to numerous therapy sessions, doctor's offices, one psychiatrist's office and one psychiatric ward. I've been inside two cop cars. I've talked with two social workers, talked about my life and my shortcomings with a lot of people, nurses, doctors, strangers and family members alike. I've broken down in a couple public places.

Behind all of it, the question "What's wrong with me?" Remains to be answered.

Well, I have moderate to severe depression.

"Why?"

There's a question.

I would like to know what exactly is wrong with me or what exactly is going on with me. That would be fantastic to figure out. I mean, I've had all this time to think, see and do things. I've had anxiety. I've had fear. I've searched for beauty and fought through ugly. Someone I know told me "Just be happy!"... I really wish it were that simple.

So what's wrong with me? I find it ironic that I would really like someone else to figure it out for me, because I can't figure it out for myself.

--Keith
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