Keith Chambers (salivar) wrote,

Airing a fool out

Life's full of surprises, like rainbows and popular culture. I got myself a surprise in my e-mail inbox last week.

I had a weak moment after the Vancouver Canucks, the sports team that's helping me fill the void of the Seattle Supersonics skipping town, dropped game six of their series against the Chicago Blackhawks, effectively ending their season. I was watching the game at Boston's Pizza where a very interesting and attractive waitress, who's name shall remain withheld because this isn't about her, it's about what happens next. I figure I have no idea when this person works next and I'd like to see her again so I do the only thing I can think to do:

Missed connections post on craigslist.

Here's the post:

"Hey. You thought I was at Boston's for a long long time, you told me you hadn't showered in two days, you thought it was hard 'choking down a beer' after you got off duty and you gave me a frown when the Canucks lost to the Blackhawks 7-5. Then you gave me a nice hug.

Thank you for making me smile. That's all I have to say. Tell me more about your supervisor position sometime.

Also what's up with your tattoos?"

Yeah, I know, cue sadtrombone.com up for me wallowing in defeat one more time. Can't get a win, can't get a date. But it gets better.

Saturday I was waking up to a blessed morning cursing the fact I had work that night when I receive an e-mail from one Jordan Neff titled "bostons". I think it's her pissed off jealous boyfriend, but nope. It's totally different.

In a message dated 05/15/09, jordan neff (onlymarmot@yahoo.com) wrote:

"booobs. you have them. if you want her. get rid of them... and the vag.

k thanks

k bye

ps. i hate Canucks (sp?) and the Blackhawks...."

So here's my public response to that:

Dear Mr. Neff, if that is your real name:

Who the hell checks out other guys, let alone other guys boobs, in a public place? You, sir, have yourself some kind of issue where it looks like you forgot to write english because you are too busy looking at male breast sizes. I hope you re-focus yourself and begin concentrating on important things in life, like conventional english, because that helps you get jobs. Staring at dudes helps you lose jobs.

Or just stop taking a look at my chest. By the way my friends think my tits are the shit.

Also why are you watching that game if you hate both teams? Get a grip, son, and spend your time away from work doing things you like. It was a fairly nice day.

--Keith

So if you want to send him a little note the address is real and his facebook profile is public... onlymarmot@yahoo.com. Jordan Neff. Ass. Hole.

--Keith
Tags: canucks, craigslist beatdown, hate mail, public response, the internet is retarded
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